Thursday, January 5, 2012

Why You're NOT Married!!

Ladies, don't be so alarmed by the title of this post. I was emailed me this article by a person who will remain nameless. While reading this, I must say movie writer Tracy McMillan gave an interesting perspective to her article, aptly titled, "Why You're Not Married, which discusses some major reasons that hold some women (and males..we'll get to that later) back from tying the knot.

Interestingly, this article can definitely go both ways, so ladies don't think it's all your fault! Men are not saints, and Tracy's list is a true representation of men's flaws as well...smh! And the funny thing is that some men can't admit when they are wrong or see the  relationship from one-angle only...which is a recipe for disaster! If your significant other, male or female, is selfish and only sees your arguments, disagreements, and conflicts from their perspective only, this is a red flag that will cause your relationship to fizzle, quickly! The saying is true, "There is no 'I' in team" and in order for the relationship to run smoothly and effectively, BOTH partners MUST compromise! I can't preach anymore about

Anyway, the article mentions an important point:

"But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on it."

She has a point. No man is standing in your way or holding a knife to your throat to make you stay with him until marriage. If it ain't working, it ain't working. Follow your gut and two step  your way outta there. Easier said than me! But you will get to a point when you're not seeing any positive results which will only make you more miserable.

The following are my personal takes on Tracy McMillan's away.

You're a Bitch: "Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry."

LORD HAVE MERCY...*throws hands in the air*
Yep, men, that's you too! The truth is, no one wants a partner who is never happy or takes themselves too seriously. Toxic relationships usually are poisoned with stubborn, unhappy people who just cannot and will not change for the better. OK, I get it...change is hard. You can't do it overnight, but for someone who wants and yearns for a happy and healthy relationship, it all starts with what you put in to it. You can't expect your partner to have joy and sunshine, when all you bring is the rain and clouds. Neither person likes a person who nags or argues constantly, but if your partner brings this side out of you regularly, this is a sure sign you two are not compatible. Sure, relationships are not an easy feat, but most people don't realize that knowing and  understanding your partner takes time. If you jump into a relationship without fully knowing your partner, your needs, your can you expect for things to run smoothly?  And how can you expect to be happy?

You're Shallow: "The one thing that truly matters is character."

I must agree with Tracy on this one. Of course we get side-tracked with physical features...Does he have money? Is he tall? Does he drive or have his own place? These things are somewhat important when evaluating his success or independence...but it doesn't equate to his character. As a matter of fact, it has nothing to do with character at all. If your man or woman treats you like a king or queen regardless of your flaws and imperfections, you've got a keeper. I  want a man who will accept all of me, and not judge what I do or don't have. Because guess what? Whatever I don't have now, I will in the near future and that's a promise. As a woman, I love to hear "you look beautiful" or "I love the way you smile." Call me mushy, but a girl likes to be complimented. It makes you feel good. Accept every flaw and imperfection your man or woman'll make them sexier as time goes on!

You're a Slut/Whore:

Sexually fantasizing about a guy or girl is's human nature. But when you're on your first date, it might not be the best idea to have a one night stand off break, as this just may jeopardize your future with this person. This is a touchy subject because some people have had one night stands and stayed together forever, BUT this is not the case for everybody. For a woman trying to get married, casual sex is not usually the way to go...reality check! Men often subjugate woman who have one night stands or casual sex as an easy target, and the men become comfortable knowing they have easy access to the golden treasure. Besides, sleeping around is gross! AIDS and STDs are real...why put your life in jeopardy?? If you want a man to truly respect you, be selective and make him wait for the goods. Of course we all make mistakes and give in to temptation, but we must learn from them. It may be difficult as you think about all the stuff you want to do to him and vise versa, but it just may keep him around for a longer time and you'll reap the rewards of a better relationship!

I like to think of my female parts as a new pair of sexy stilettos: I only wear them on and for special occasions. Have the same mindset: it's special, so let only those who deserve it, have it :-)

You're A Liar:

I have to steer away from Tracy's opinion on this one. She basically says that we lie to ourselves about not really wanting to be in a relationship for the sake of not scaring away the guy. Hmmmm. If I want to be with a guy, I'm gonna be vocal about it...not deny it. I would express this to him (without being naggy) because if not, I'm only my time. Prime example: Chrissy and Jim Jones. She's been with the man since forever..she has nagged and expressed her frustration on how important marriage is to her. After years of her being upset, he now all of a sudden he proposes to her?? And might I add that he did it in the most disgusting way...just handed her the ring and scratched his nose, like "oh yea, by the way, here you go." GROSS! Chrissy clearly loves this man and has expressed her feelings to Jim (and all her girlfriends) on multiple occasions, but Jim didn't budge. In some situations, men do things on their own time, and it's up to us to sit and wait... *sigh*

You're Selfish: "If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you."

Ha! This can possibly be true. I must admit, I'm not married and I do think about myself A LOT. I think about my career, my life, school, and where I see myself in the next 5 years. But it's're not in a relationship, so who else should you be thinking about?? If you play your cards right, men sometimes find this attractive...especially if you are thinking about yourself in the right ways - such as independence and bettering yourself for the future. As long as you aren't vain and only concerned about your own needs and wants and can care less about anyone else's. Do you, boo...but have some compassion for the next person.

You're Not Good Enough

Woo, chile! If this is what you think about are doomed. Confidence is KEY! No man  or woman wants a partner that doesn't think highly of themselves. There is a line between arrogance and confidence. Don't ever think you're too good, because guess what?? Someone out there is always better! Get  over doubting yourself and your talents or personality or what you're worth, and make sure to find a partner who loves ALL of your flaws and imperfections. Any person who accepts these, truly loves you for you. NEVER, EVER think that marriage will make you happy. Marriage comes with loads and loads of sacrifices, compromises, trust, loyalty, friendships, hardships, and the list is endless. Some people who are married are miserable. Get to know yourself and what you really want before jumping out there with your partner, because it could possibly be a mistake that you may live with forever.

So, Ladies and gents...these are totally the opinions of myself and Tracy McMillan. You may choose to agree or disagree, which is perfectly fine, but it's my I say how I feel.


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